My Husband Wants a Divorce and My Life is Falling Apart
Jan 14, 2025
Dear Latrice,
I’m completely blindsided. My husband has been using his old phone, now our 9-year-old’s device for games and YouTube. This morning, my son came to me upset, saying, “Look what Daddy’s searching up—it’s not nice.” On the screen were searches about divorce, along with videos that had been watched.
I’ve been trying so hard to fix things. On New Year’s Eve, my husband said he wanted a divorce, and since then, I’ve told him every day that I want to work on our marriage. I’ve tried addressing his vague complaints—working too much, not enough sex, and even that he doesn’t like my weight loss.
Last night, I finally asked him outright if he wants to work on things. His response? “Honestly, I don’t.” Then he said, “I don’t want to be here.” I told him, “Then don’t be here,” and he left. Before going, though, he told our son he wouldn’t be back but would pick him up sometimes. My little boy was devastated—crying so hard he vomited. I’ve been holding him for hours, heartbroken for him and for us.
To make things worse, I had major surgery recently and can’t do as much as I normally would. I’m still recovering and feeling very limited, which has been tough emotionally and physically. I don’t know how I’ll manage everything on my own. I’ve heard that big life changes, like surgery or weight loss, can trigger something like this, but I never thought it would happen to me. I’m just confused, hurt, and feeling lost.
Last night, we talked briefly before he went to work. He admitted he hasn’t been happy for a while and doesn’t want to come home after work. He didn’t even want to go on the vacation we planned for my birthday or enjoy Christmas. He said he feels like I care more about work than him and that we don’t have enough intimacy. But he also doesn’t want me to quit my job. He says he’s not seeing anyone else but doesn’t know what he wants if he leaves.
When he left for work, I asked, “I thought I was a good wife?” He just said, “Well, you’re not a bad one.” I feel like he’s already made up his mind, but he won’t admit it. I asked, “Shouldn’t you know why before you blow up 12 years?” He didn’t answer.
How do I even begin to pick up the pieces?
Sincerely,
Blindsided and Heartbroken
Dear Blindsided and Heartbroken,
I’m so sorry this is happening to you. What your husband has done is shocking and unfair. He can’t just walk away like this. He still has responsibilities to you and your son, and the law backs that up. Let’s take it step by step so you can get the support you need.
1. He Can’t Just Leave
Walking away doesn’t mean he’s off the hook. Your husband is still responsible for helping you and your son. The court can make sure he provides financial support and is part of his son’s life. No matter what he says, he has legal and moral obligations.
2. How to Start Taking Control
Finances:
Start by figuring out what you have—accounts, income, and debts. You’ll need to know what’s coming in, what’s going out, and what you own. I have a guide I give my clients called the 7 Steps to Take Charge of Your Money Guide that walks you through exactly what to look for and how to organize it. This will prepare you to work with your attorney and ensure you’re financially protected.
Custody:
Begin planning for parenting time by documenting your child’s daily needs, routines, and your husband’s involvement (or lack of it). You want to show the court that your plan focuses on your child’s stability and best interests. My Planning for Parenting Time Guide helps parents create a custody strategy that works for their family while giving your lawyer the tools they need to advocate for you.
Mindset:
It’s hard to think clearly when your world feels like it’s falling apart. That’s why I created the Your Path Forward Worksheet. It helps you focus on what you can control, set priorities, and take small, manageable steps. Together, we’d use this to rebuild your confidence and create a clear plan for moving forward.
3. What You Should Do Next
Speak to Experts Who Can Help You:
- Coaching: As a divorce coach, I can help you organize your finances, plan for custody, and focus on your emotional recovery. I’ll guide you step by step so you feel confident and ready for what’s ahead.
- Attorney: You’ll also need an attorney to advocate for you in court. They’ll help you file for temporary support and handle custody arrangements. I’ll work with you to prepare everything your attorney will need, making the legal process smoother and less stressful.
Take Action Now:
- Gather your financial documents: bank statements, bills, and any joint accounts or assets.
- Start documenting your child’s daily routine and emotional needs.
Lean on Support:
- Reach out to family, friends, or local resources for practical help.
- Remember, you’re not alone, and there are people who care and want to support you.
Final Thoughts
This is a lot to deal with, but you don’t have to do it all at once. Take it one step at a time. Your husband’s choice to leave says more about him than about you. You are strong, capable, and deserve peace and respect. With a plan in place, you’ll get through this.
If you’re ready to take the next step, I’m here to help. I’ll guide you through organizing your finances, creating a custody plan, and finding the confidence to move forward. Reach out today, and let’s start building your path forward—one step at a time.
No more stressing and guessing,
Latrice